Nobody can love you like a mother; whoever said this never bonded with the father!

My father will always be my king. People say I am a carbon copy of him and have inherited most of his personality, even fate. In a family full of women, he was my only comfort corner. This post is dedicated to his low-key life, which is a true-life lesson and celebration for me.

My dad, whom I address as “Nana” in Odia brahmin culture, left this worldly life on 21stOct2025, at an age of 86; the next day of Diwali during the auspicious Kartik month in Odisha. Without any hospitalisation or long suffering, he chose the way he always wanted to leave this earth, at his father’s house on his own bed.  

"A good father will leave his imprint on his daughter for the rest of her life." — Dr James Dobson, and my father did. Nothing and nobody can replace his presence in my life path. I have never posted any photos or blogs about him, as life has been like that, which holds his memory in my soul without any spoken words.

“When I'm at my best, I am my father's daughter. I have witnessed all valuable skills in him: punctuality, resilience, patience, shopping and bargaining, mending things, unusual cooking skills, not holding grudges, financial management, being down-to-earth and fiercely independent.

Childhood and teenage

Born in a village near Puri city of Odisha state on 19thOct1939, to a lower-class family, where my grandfather was a station master; he was only 2 years old, having two elder sisters, when his mother passed away. Subsequently losing his wife and a daughter, my grandfather almost lost his will to live. This left my dad growing up with distant relatives as a toddler. After a few years, Dad and Granddad moved to different villages/cities within Odisha, for Granddad’s job.

The kind of pampering I received from my father as a child, I could only imagine how he lived his life as a child in poverty, hunger and utter negligence. Sustaining such a turbulent life, he attended school very late and passed high school only at the age of 19. He was the complete caretaker of the house by then, with household skills like shopping, cooking, cleaning, and studying by himself. He completed a BA, followed by an LLB from colleges in Puri city.

Adulthood and professional life

He started practising law when one of his friends suggested that he takes the Railways exam, which he cracked and got appointed as a Prosecuting officer with the Railways RPF. Slowly, he got promoted as a Railway lawyer, having an LLB degree and has since attended cases in High courts and the Supreme Court. He was the first Odia to serve in a Commissioner position in the South-East region of India and won medals for his honesty and loyalty. We received the perks of travelling in trains extensively because of his position, and he stayed at Chennai and Kolkata during the last years of his service. From the difficult life path he had with challenges every moment, it is commanding how he achieved success without a godfather.

Personal life

Grandad had purchased a land in proximity to Puri Jagannath temple circa 1968, on which Dad constructed just 2 rooms, a bathroom and a kitchen to start with. Then he got married and extended this house to 2 floors with a large garden space, a well, etc. This heritage house has gone through 2 major renovations since then and now acts as a homestay. The location is just 200mtrs to the temple perimeter facing the main East gate. So far, it has hosted a huge number of guests, including foreigners.  

Having grown up without motherly love, Dad treated his in-laws as his own. Our best days as a family were spent in Rourkela’s Railway colony quarter, which I wish to relive and still dream about.

What makes him exceptional as a human being in general?

·        He was not that typical tyrannical male; he never raised his hands or voice at us. My friends adored his soft nature and amicable personality, welcoming everyone in the house.

·        He was brutally honest and didn’t believe in sugarcoating words. For him, being clear at heart with loads of gratitude mattered the most. He was always full of praise for what life had offered him. He would be strict with his subordinates, without hampering their jobs.

·        We would sit on the ground to eat, and he would quietly pass all the good food from his plate to mine and take back bitter gourd, etc, which I was hesitant to eat as a child. In the board games that we play, he would always let me win and thus take the wrath from others in the family. He was the one who would pack multiple eatables from Puri for me and carry them till Bangalore in the train.

·        He was an altruist who was content in life and believed in staying happy with his share of achievements. We had long-term tenants at our house who have been our family friends for decades. They all describe him as generously kind and benevolent. He would walk in the scorching summer to the market if someone liked a particular fruit to eat.

·        He considered his children as family who gave him happiness, but didn’t depend on them like bank FDs to provide for him or spend luxuriously. He was great with his savings and pension, and till the last moment, took no favours from anyone. Building the house, taking care of children’s marriages, taking care of his nephews and nieces, and managing the entire household expenses till his last breath, he did all by himself. He would pay back his trip and occasional hospital expenses to the children.

·        He never owned a car, AC, or bike, despite being a gazetted officer with Railways. He rode his bicycle in Puri and walked extensively even after developing asthma and arthritis in his seventies. 

·        Except basic mobile handset for OTP, he had no debit/credit cards, no internet usage, no laptop; a complete digital withdrawal in life. He would visit the bank for cash and pay expenses with the cash. He didn’t even use a wallet.

·        I have inherited his love for walking, pets and gardening and know why he was internally happy most times. He taught me shopping and repairing skills, and never felt ashamed of reusing things.

·        He lived way below his earnings and travelled in trains till 2023, after which he was mostly at home. He was as gentle as a mother handling her children, even his grandchildren call him ‘Nana/Dad’. I could shop for my clothes with him and speak my mind without being scared. While visiting me in Bangalore, he would finish many household chores for me when I was working late evening shifts. He demanded that I give him ample physical work at home to keep him busy.  

·        He never interfered, asking me about my salary. His cute way of making sure I had a job was to check if I had my company ID card.

·        He would buy things and set up the kitchen of my first flat. I still have the mixer grinder and utensils he purchased for me in 2007. He also booked and transferred the LPG cylinder for me proactively. He was my mother, sibling, and the whole world.

·        It may sound strange, but I have never gifted him any expensive shirt, equipment or gadget, etc., and that’s the way he was. He would enjoy the filter coffee and idly at the Udupi restaurant rather than visiting any fancy café or 5-star hotels. He mostly enjoyed eating by hand and wore his shirt out with open sandals.

·        He travelled to the USA, Bangkok with the accommodation support from my sister and roamed extensively in the USA. The tickets and other major expenses for both mom and him were borne by him; that was his integrity. He was a simple, quiet man with a great heart. For him, no work was meaningless or small. He would cook, clean utensils, clean the house, do laundry, do stitching, etc., without any doubt.

·        He lived a life by giving respect to everyone, whoever was younger than him by age or position. I remember how the railway staff recognised him even decades after his retirement.

·        He was an ardent dog-loving person and recognised the animal for their extreme fidelity. We had dogs back to back in our home, and he would take immense care of them, rehabilitating the diseased ones, giving them up for adoption, etc.

·        He believed in true equality and didn’t depend on any woman, particularly for running the household. I have seen him doing all the food shopping, storing, and prepping in the kitchen whenever he was at home. From him, we kids learnt to distribute work from our mom and not load her. He insisted that we all sit together and eat, which means no woman should stand and serve him. Our family practices women's empowerment without saying. My mom would comfortably leave me at home to travel outstation when I was barely 7-8 years old, and I was well taken care of.

·        He never tried to control our decisions or force us into marriages, nor did he set any heavy expectations or compare us with others’ children. For him, having healthy and educated children who live life on their own means without harming anyone was the greatest achievement.

·        He had a huge scope of bribery on the job. As witnessed by the staff at the office and home, he’ll be polite even in rejection, as he believes that such money will harm his family in the long run. We have seen a low middle-class setup since childhood; however, the love was abundant.

·        He was 86 and no wrinkles appeared on his face; his hair was thick and shiny silver grey. He ate no dry fruits/nuts, no sugar or dairy products, no fresh fruits, no fancy supplements; only 3 simple home-cooked meals a day. I used to joke that the modern nutritionists must research him.

·        He was once a smoker for 50 long years, until he quit with his willpower and revived his lungs with regular pranayama. He consumed no alcohol, even if his job demanded it at times.  

He always rocked in every phase of life with a smile on his face. His kindness and unspoken love for me are what I’ll carry till my last.

I would forever remember him as a living being who knew how to live and let others live as well.

Oct 2003 close to retirement, at Kolkata posted as Commissioner of South-East Railways

During USA visit in 2010

Near Puri Jagannath temple in 2019