My life journey so far and the skills learned from My Parents
- Dec 14, 2023
- 24 min read
Updated: Jan 2, 2024
(22ndDec2023 by Namrata Mishra, 44 years old IT professional staying at Bangalore originated from Puri, Odisha)
One’s childhood is like an empty canvas, where the elders especially parents' teachings can help to put many colors for the future life to come. My childhood has been the closest to my heart for many reasons and here I would like to share my life journey through the years emphasizing my parent's skills in developing me into the person that I am today. This is a tribute to my parents on my 44th birthday today 22nd December.
This is Namrata Mishra, a native of Puri, Odisha who completed her Engineering in 2001 and started an IT career afterward staying around the cities of Ahmedabad, Mumbai, Chennai, and Bangalore. I belong to a job-oriented family tree of engineers, surgeons, scientists, Lawyers, Railways professionals, teachers, IT, and real estate professionals; where the importance of education can be seen. In our house, nobody said, “You are a girl, behave like one”. Rather Dad would ask me to put on my elder brother’s shorts during summer when it gets hot and humid. Mom’s supervision for me and my elder sister was more on our education and hobbies than growing a long ponytail and polishing for fair skin.
What was more important was that gender equality was well taken care of. My dad spent more on both daughters' engineering education than only bothering about the elder son. He insisted that the food was served first to grandfather, followed by pets, and then the rest of us together. My mom always had her meals with us (the rotis were made and put in the casserole) and didn’t stand in a corner serving others. Mom was encouraged to visit her hometown and stay with her parents as per her wish and Dad took charge of the home happily. My maternal grandmother stayed with us during her last years as suggested by Dad, so that Mom doesn’t have to frequently travel. Point to note here, I have two maternal uncles as well.
My maternal grandfather was a freedom fighter and a school headmaster, who established a school in his village at his own expense. He always encouraged me to study books from the higher classes and follow sports. His zeal for empowerment can be seen in his children. In the era of child marriage, my younger aunt became the first Odia female scientist at ISRO, and the other one studied double MA. His rule said – “Study, do a job, or marry, just don’t sit idle at home. I’ll sell everything that I can till you pursue your education”.
My maternal grandmother/granny is a woman whom I remember being broad-minded and loving, who never differentiated between her daughters and daughters-in-law. She was smart, witty, diligent, and soft-spoken; who complimented my maternal grandfather.
My paternal grandfather used to pray daily and the pooja offering would come to us, his grandchildren. Naïve and silly, when we used to fight over who should get the largest portion of that sweet or fruit, he would repeatedly utter in Odia – “Prasad bantina khaiba alpa bahuta na kahiba(Distribute the offerings among all to eat, do not say less or more)”. He used to welcome every guest in the house with equal enthusiasm and request to visit again when they departed.
He also followed a clean plate policy while having his food, not a single grain of rice would fall on the floor. Am the biggest advocate of this now and coincidently my husband as well, we both do not take extra food or waste even at a buffet, share servings just needed to satiate our hunger.
Childhood (Age 4-11)
I was born in Berhampur city of Ganjam district and spent toddler days in Puri with two of my elder siblings. Puri house is now a 55 year old property, at walking distance of 300 meters from world famous Shri Jagannath temple. It gives the vibes of an old city charm with narrow lanes, from the terrace of which, the flags of the temple can be visible. We moved to Rourkela city in 1985, where I completed till 6th standard.
Surprisingly while in many households from that era, mainly mothers used to deal with local grocery, vegetable vendors, and shopkeepers, in our home it was our father; who was the soul of running the details. Having lost his mother at the age of one and being brought up by a single parent, my dad’s life journey has been nothing but a miracle for survival. He went on to become the first Odia to grab the post of “Security Commissioner of South-East Railways”. It is solely he in the family, from whom I learned the initial principles of discipline, punctuality, saving, negotiation, empathy, and ethics. Both parents made us independent and taught us all the life skills such as cooking, laundry, cleaning, basic repairs, running errands, walking a lot, stitching, bank-related tasks, and keeping a tab of expenses in a diary; before even we were teenagers. All the kids washed & ironed their school uniforms made their beds, and helped set the dining table. I went the extra mile and contributed to taking care of the pets, gardening, kitchen, handicrafts, and deep cleaning tasks.
Dad brought those fresh new notes and coins received as part of his monthly salary working as a Railway’s prosecuting inspector. That is when he got me used to taking all the loose coins and started saving in a tall pink Pond’s talcum powder tin container. During major festivals or my birthdays, Dad continued contributing to my fancy piggy bank. I was so possessive about it that, once I remember demanding dad an interest of 100% for a day when he requested a loan of 100 Rs. Though being in a significant senior position with frequent traveling, staying in a colonial Railway quarter then; my dad always believed in staying humble and riding a bicycle. We were allocated a helper, yet dad is the one who ensured purchasing all the household items, groceries, vegetables, non-veg, and clothes while keeping a stringent budget and quality control. He was super careful with his hard-earned money and believed in no shortcuts for growing it exponentially. He invested in PF, PPF, FDs, and most importantly minuscule expense habits; which helped him to save a lot. He maintained our Puri house and put on rent, which took care of the maintenance expenses.
Me and my sister, both studied in Government Railway schools for free and walked to school till we entered high school. Brother was sent away to Sainik school clearing the entrance and Dad unwillingly spent money on his private study. We also enjoyed the perks of having train passes, which saved us a fortune on travelling. A few items like rice, yellow lentils, jaggery, and coconut were received from his village, which took care of our major food requirements.
Another obsession of mine at that time was the “Red Maruti 800 car”, I would freeze and stare if I rarely spotted one as cars even scooters were not so much to be seen during the eighties in small cities. I would ask my dad to sell our house, buy the car and we all live inside it. Later, I would demand my dad to gift me one in dowry and a separate motorbike to my future husband. Apart from this, a sack of yellow lentils(which was my favorite eatable) has to be provided yearly to our household. Thankfully my dad didn’t make these purchases when I got married. He took LIC policies for all his children and grandchildren and sent us the amount upon maturity, yet was a strong opposer to dowry and would give stern replies to the so-called marriage proposals. He took immense pride in my academic results. career growth and acquiring my own house rather than just getting me married to a man.
When we shifted to Rourkela, the vast garden surrounding the quarter was in an utterly neglected state. My father having a green thumb, put enormous effort into reviving the flora and fauna of the place. Within two years, the garden was bursting with fruit-bearing trees of mango, guava, jamun, jackfruit, berry, custard apple, chikoo trees, many flower plants, and also a miniature fish pond. Along with climbing these trees and making tree house with cotton towels, diving into the small pond, my mother encouraged me to set up a garden picnic spot, building a cooking stove with clay bricks, dry twigs, and leaves where I would cook khichdi and feed to everyone in the family. I had planted tomato, chili, and coriander plants on my own and would use those for my recipes. My dad spent his weekend afternoons in the garden along with the helper and cultivated potato, cauliflower, cabbage, brinjal, ladies finger, pumpkin, banana, tomato, etc. He also got Indian Climbing gourami fish for the pond and within a year, the fish population grew over a hundred. We both would regularly clean the pond, fill fresh water, count the fish, and feed them flour dough. I traded the fish for country chicken from our housemaid, that she had at her house. This was unknown to my parents till the time she brought the chicken mentioning that she was happy with this trading. My school bag would be full of some or other fruits such as mangoes, bananas, berries, sweet lime, and guava for my schoolmates and teachers, all year round. I was friends with everyone around and started speaking fluent Hindi as it was popularly spoken in Rourkela, that time sharing the border with Bihar state. My first school was a stone’s throw away and being the most popular student there, once our headmaster summoned me when I forgot the exam day. The clock started once I reached school and I attended the math exam which I had assumed to be the next day.
I grew so fond of pets that, at one point in time we had an army of pets including a dog “Rocky”, a mynah, parrots, a flock of love birds, a tortoise “Tudu”, Pigeons “Blacky and Pinku”, a mongoose. Any animal or bird that I could find lying helpless in the vicinity has to come to our home. Our female dog was named “Rocky” by me, to compliment her character than the gender. The baby pigeons “Blacky and Pinku”, saw me feeding them when they opened their eyes and behaved like humans all their life such as demanding to eat rice dal from our plates, sleeping in our bedroom with the air-cooler on, screaming and pulling dad from his chair during weekends when it was lunchtime. They all stayed like dad’s kids rather than pets, dad had sleepless nights when Rocky felt ill and had to visit a vet.
I had a dedicated area in the garden surrounded by flower plants, where we would bury our dead pets. I would cry for days and create a monument for them decorating with flowers. The pets showed so much affection towards us that, even if we released the love birds into the sky, they would return to their rest area inside the house by evening. Rocky and tortoise Tudu had cold wars as Tudu climbed on Rocky’s tail when she sunbathed. Pigeons would take a free ride on the back of Tudu, as they were too lazy to fly inside the house premises. Under the same roof, 6 humans and many pets peacefully lived with an abundance of love and affection, learning sharing, caring, generosity, and compassion. I wish to relive that era once again if I was ever granted a wish.
What I learned from my mother
My mother who is 75 years old now and a cancer survivor was a graduate of her time and an all-rounder in sports, music, board games, and poetry writing. Her translated stories from Hindi to Odia were published in Odia magazines. Coming from a family of highly educated siblings, she learned kitchen skills only after her marriage to my dad. Fierce, daredevil, ahead of her era, and outspoken; she would always win in any game like carrom board, business, scrabble, chess, ludo, cards, Chinese checkers, or whatever it may be.
After seeing many other households for years, I started appreciating her cleanliness, punctuality, kitchen and stitching skills, smartness, and many other hidden qualities. I started showing a keen interest in cooking when I was just 4 years old and would drag a wooden stool to stand near the gas stove to cook something. My mom always supported me and then slowly taught me the basics while ensuring my safety at all times. Guests used to stare at me unbelievingly carrying a tray of tea cups at that age, which I would have made. Within a year, I had mastered making tea, omelet, semolina halwa, and round roti. By the time I was 12, could cook an entire meal plus stay alone at home taking care of everything like my mom would. Whenever my dish would not turn out as expected, we would never throw it out, my mom taught me this skill of reviving seemingly ruined dishes. She would regularly clean and disinfect the entire kitchen so that no pulse or vegetables go into the dustbin.
We had a FIFO rule for the refrigerator (what goes in first must come out first), which was thoroughly cleaned weekly and food items were stored in the right way.
The grocery containers were washed and dried under the sun before each refill. I have never seen my parents throw any edible thing, which I follow diligently in the era of express food ordering, generating excess and wastage. They were masters of buying the right number of groceries, veggies, meat, etc., cooking fresh food, and heartedly distributing it to friends and neighbors. Sharing and caring have been their mantra over greed, accumulation, and wastage. We had a maid only for utensils and mopping, my mom would personally look after detailed cleaning of the house, wardrobes neatly arranged, dusting, photo albums maintained, and everything in order. She would do plenty of handicrafts, Cross-stitch, sweaters, and dresses and would draw Biology diagrams for my siblings in college.
If I would go to Mom with a broken button, she would say –“Learn to sew yourself, else get used to wearing as it is” and this made me learn to stitch. When any of my relatives would give me some money and I ask mom to keep it safe, she would say “Learn to deposit in the bank if you want it safe” and by the age of 12, my dad opened a joint account with me. She would involve me in all the activities and patiently taught the skills. My grandfather’s village is about 25km from our Puri house and in those days, we used to travel even by bullock carts, and bicycle. I knew the usage of stone mortar and pestle, stone hand grinder, Dhinki, mud stove, extracting water from the well using a pulley, fishing, climbing trees, and many more. My dad has detailed knowledge of building a house, agriculture, law, repairing household items, and many basic chores like cooking/cleaning/stitching, which is rare to see in an Indian man.
Adolescence or Teenage (Age 12-19)
We shifted back to Puri in 1992, whereas only Dad continued to stay at Rourkela for his job. I studied 7th standard; my brother was in graduation and sister joined engineering in Bhubaneswar. Missing my deceased pigeons from Rourkela days “Blacky and Pinku”, I adopted two more baby pigeons “Chunnu and Munnu” at Puri who created havoc for the next 3 generations.
It was a few months of struggle for me to fit into the orthodox society of Puri as compared to Rourkela. This was the period when I learned professional singing (Both Odishi and Hindustani) and painting. I was pathetic in drawing till class 6th and my teachers could give me sympathy marks just enough to save me from failing, as I was the school topper. Funny enough, I became adamant about learning arts after my school curriculum almost ended.
I attended a school named “Sandhya Art Academy”, where I was fortunate to get mentored by a young shy brilliant artist who became my second teacher and introduced me to oil painting, collages, and wall painting. That boy later became a world-renowned sand artist “Sudarsan Pattnaik” who has been my role model to date, yet the down-to-earth humble soul he was in 1992. The journey from drawing a national flag using scales to winning “Lalit Kala Academy” state award for 1993, was sort of a dream. It was my beloved teachers “Dev sir” and Sudarsan Pattnaik’s guidance that I could win many art competition awards.
I became part of the Indian Red Cross academy, attended state-level camps as well. I shifted to a different school starting class 8th, where I met another great teacher “Sri Padma Charan Patra”, who was my class as well as tuition teacher. He took care of each of the students like his own. I remember days when he would feed us snacks if we seemed ill and would insist on dropping me home once when it rained heavily and it was late at night after our tuition ended. He would write speeches for me and always encouraged to stand up for myself, I proved him right once by hitting a boy who was bullying me about a street cycle parking place. He would tell the junior classes about how I managed well my studies along with extracurricular activities winning prizes for the school in Red Cross, sports, essays, debate, stage play, etc. While many parents would be freaking out about their children’s board exams, my mom encouraged me to balance studies with hobbies. I was in the kitchen cooking my favorite dinner just the night before the 10th board exams, instead of being nervous. I received my first bicycle in class 8th and a manual wristwatch in PU/11th class. Parents shopped for our clothes till we left home for higher studies and many times even after that. We neither demanded any fancy things from them nor did we felt the need to, the blessings of having caring parents around are beyond anything else. That is the reason, I never give importance to materialistic things, as they are just for comfort and not for happiness.
Not only the carbon copy of my father in looks, but I nurtured the below qualities during my adolescence
Negotiation Skills
Even being the youngest of 3, I had the privilege of tagging along with Dad for all types of shopping. I learned the art of negotiation without harming the seller. Even women will fail to buy the quality of fruits, vegetables, sweets, snacks, sarees, cotton towels, and bedsheets my dad would recognize to buy. Be it any kind of vendor or service person, my dad ensured quality for money. Puri is a small heritage city, and many local vendors from nearby villages would come to the market to sell products from their gardens early in the morning. My dad would first identify such vendors against the typical bigger shops, then start by negotiating the price or quantity. He would even try to crack a joke at times like “I know you are not doing any cultivation or spending on compost to charge me this”, which made the people give him extra in quantity. Otherwise, he would slowly walk away and somehow the vendor would call us back for a better offer. He would also keep an eye on the vendors with the last slot of products and would bargain for an amazing price. Being the sole bread earner for a family of 6, he followed the rule of “a penny saved is a penny earned”.
Dad never owned any car or bike, and walked a lot just to save a rupee from the hand-pulled rickshaw at Puri. The seabeach is at a distance of 3km walkable distance from our house, which we would visit once in 2 weeks or so as a family. My parents would mention to the kids that they only have 2 Rs, either we rent rickshaw or have potato chips. We would always happily choose to have the chips over riding a rickshaw, thus picking up the sustainable habit of walking. To date, I use BMTC in Bangalore, walk wherever I have a good road or footpath available, and opt for shared rides. This has helped save money and earn a great deal of time management and fitness
Financial and Budgeting Skills
My dad believed in saving every penny possible without compromising on our health or food. We had fixed occasions yearly when new clothes would be bought. Mom also preserved the outfits gifted to us by the relatives till the next festival, while stitching clothes, curtains, and pillow covers. Dad believed in buying fresh vegetables, however, he would focus on seasonal, and hence comparatively cheaper consumables. He used to have job related travels and would carry products specific from that city, which would be otherwise expensive at ours. For exp, we had the luxury of eating a lot of fresh yet cheaper crabs from Chilika Lake, similarly pomfret, prawns, mangoes, etc. from wherever he traveled. Sundays were reserved for mutton, yet he would skip buying if the particular vendor mentioned the quality that day was not the best to buy or for some reason, the price would be higher. He would rather bring fish, prawns, and crab that day. He would wait for an item like mango to reach mid-season to buy the juiciest yet cost-effective ones as the supply would have increased. Somehow whatever he brought home would taste the best, none of us could buy better than that. An excellent cook himself and being the mess manager during his hostel days, my dad perfected the art of budget buying with luxury eating. My mom herself is an excellent cook, who strictly fed us different cuisines so that we do not later on become picky eaters. Once, she put me on a day-long fast when I threw a tantrum about not eating a particular dish and that was the last time I ever did that. Whatever was cooked, each member of the house ate the same. Unlike today’s mothers, my mom didn’t let the children decide the menu or put us in front of the TV so that we ate faster. This helped a lot later when I left home, stayed in hostels/PG, and traveled to different states and countries.
Dad would do weekly, monthly, and yearly budgeting buying things accordingly either in small or larger quantities. Drawing a smaller government job salary with a family of 6, he still managed to save 1 lakh yearly towards tax savings. He never took a loan or lent a loan, and built our Puri house twice with his savings. Rarely if he owed a few rupees from anyone, he wouldn’t rest till that was returned.
Ethics and Empathy
We belong to the upper caste Brahmin community in Puri and Dad retired as the first Odia Railways security commissioner. Since my childhood, I always remembered him as the simplest, calmest, kindest, low-key person at home, work, and everywhere. Barely remember him buying extra shoes or shirts for himself just to show off his designation. My parents may bargain a lot while purchasing, but they’ll even donate the things needed at home seeing someone else in dire need. They never taught us caste, religion, or social status differences; all of our friends were welcomed into the house. We have many international and national cross-weddings in our family, as well as arranged ones.
Dad always treated everyone with love and kindness, whoever came to his doorstep, even if was harmed by them in the past. He doesn’t believe in carrying a grudge or resentment. He was quite strict in his professional life and his staff used to be scared of him. He spared nobody taking a shortcut or bribe at work but believed in reforming the people rather than punishing them costing them their jobs. This earned him a lot of respect. Our old maid at home would tell us that she had seen people carrying suitcases full of money for favors and how Dad would offer them tea gently asking them to leave the house later.
Years after Dad retired from the job, whenever I would visit Puri RPF office for a train reservation assistance, even the elderly constable would recognize me by his name and applaud how Dad treated and respected everyone equally. In today’s world of show-off, this is something I followed in my corporate journey thus earning plenty of good wishes from my peers and juniors specifically.
The love for our furry friends/dogs came to me in genes from my dad, who would focus on treating ill stary dogs later giving them away for adoption. He would personally bring them back to health by grooming them.
Twenties (Age 20-29)
After completing PU/12th class in state board college, I joined an engineering college in Bhubaneswar in 1997 choosing an electrical branch, and graduated in 2001. It was a roller coaster ride with plenty of new learnings such as handling end-to-end personal finance, insecurities, and fear of the unknown. Staying with a gang of smart and rich girls as my hostel roommates, I learned to hold on to my roots and focus on my studies. I could survive the “1999 Odisha cyclone”, when we 6 girls got stuck in the hostel on the ground floor, which was flooded. With no electricity or water supply, we spent one night on the granite slab inside the room. The glass windows were broken, the water level touched our beds, and the bathroom on the first floor was inaccessible. We shared a packet of milk powder and Parle G biscuit for 2 days and a night, till two of us dared to navigate to the hostel kitchen at the back side in knee-deep water, cooked some khichdi for all of us. I was the last to leave the room and travel home with many difficulties as roads were blocked, and buses were not running yet. It taught me grit, courage, patience, leadership, survival skills, and the fact that “We all have to fight our own battle”.
Post engineering, battling a bad recession year of 2001; I traveled to Ahmedabad, Mumbai, and Bangalore for different professional courses; yet failed to get a job anywhere. The idea of higher studies never came up, as earning my bread was more important than asking for money from Dad. Finally, in the year 2004, I got my first IT job in Chennai. That is when my journey of intense savings started. I stayed in a low-key PG accommodation for 3K a month providing 3 meals a day, walked to the office, and bought only the bare minimum of clothes, shoes, a mobile, and a handbag. Initial few months, I miserably failed at work, practiced coding during weekends coming to the office, and felt all alone many times among my colleagues who belonged to south India. Slowly with time and patience, I made good friends, excelled at work, travelled to Germany, and got an unexpected promotion. I saved almost the entire amount from my 2 months of onsite travel per diem, than spending on trips or shopping. This later contributed towards the downpayment of my flat which I purchased in 2006 after shifting to Bangalore. I shifted to a 2BHK flat in a decent location in Bangalore just before my 27th birthday. My salary was 5L PA and I took a loan of 20L while managing the entire downpayment plus furnishing cost etc. of around 12L solely from my savings. I didn’t opt for any fancy decorations, and bought all used household items; my focus was on repaying the loan in the next 4 years which I did. Later I treated myself to a 40” LCD Sony TV in 2011, which we are still using with no plans of replacement. I have an OTG manufactured in 2002, a Honda Dio vehicle from 2013, LG refrigerator from 2003; all ancient yet in excellent working condition like me. 😊
Thirties (Age 30-39)
My dad never owned a credit card, debit card, or net banking facility, he still walks to the bank to withdraw money thus safeguarding himself from online fraud. I have followed to have a single debit card so far, yet managed to have full financial freedom by the time I turned 39. I got my first job quite late in life, never settled abroad, no financial help from family, yet managed all alone to have a debt-free flat and a significant retirement corpus within 15 years of corporate life. Exactly as my dad would, I saved 50% or more of my take-home salary, plus bonuses, the rest distributed over other buckets carefully. Having home-cooked meals, not getting lured by TV advertisements for impulsive purchases, not buying a car, and not having a crowd of friends are some of the tricks, that helped me to save significantly. I would look for branded or non-branded offer items to buy only minimal, did my grocery shopping how my dad would, never hired a maid or cook, never purchased a car as commuted to the office by their cab, stayed away from makeup and jewelry purchases, and made careful friends. I spent towards joining fitness classes, bought a bicycle, and started my health journey during my thirties. While most girls at my age were searching for a rich husband, I focused on being a rich woman.
I have been criticized by many, from my industry specifically that I am a miser and it was me who was living a comfortable life when COVID struck in 2020. I have had no regular jobs or business income since 2019, yet I don’t have to beg friends or family for my expenses. I am enjoying the results of saving like an ant for rainy days when the weather is sunny. I buy only whatever is essential for life so that I don’t have to sell what I require. I write down my daily expenses, am careful about where to invest my savings, and do not give up on society or peer pressure to maintain a lifestyle. When I could afford to stay in a villa, continued staying in a humble yet tastefully decorated apartment. I unnecessarily don’t believe in upgrading automobiles, house or household stuff, or electronics till the time they are usable and repaired, rather I maintain things immaculately and do all the household work by myself. There was a period 2016-2017, when I owned 2 flats and a villa; selling the rest except the one flat that am continuing to stay in with my husband. I don’t believe in eating Biryani for a day without bothering what will be on my plate tomorrow, rather have a simple meal each day of my life.
Early Forties (Age 40-44)
I was 41 when I met my husband Nitin and got married the same year in July 2021. We both chose a simple wedding in “Arya Samaj” with 12 friends attending a lunch reception. We didn’t spend extravagantly on clothes, jewelry, venue, decoration, or photography; rather planned a nice trip to Kerala and treated our friends at Marriott. We believe in spending our attention and time with each other to create memories, in preference to what is in society trend. Most of our inner qualities match, initially the contrast was in our spending habits. 2.5 years fast forward into the marriage, Nitin realizes the importance of being careful with money and has started his SIP journey stopping all unnecessary spending, especially on depreciating assets, luxury trips, and lending money to friends that never come back. We both do our monthly budgeting, write down expenses, plan our trips, treat our friends to elaborate dinner at our place cooked by me, and spend towards regular maintenance of our belongings rather than impulse purchases. The only luxury purchase of his to which I agreed was buying an MG Hector SUV, on the condition that he’d take a personal loan from me with the same bank interest rate and pay it off within 3 years. He has given up frequent visits to expensive coffee shops and fine dining restaurants and rather enjoys exploring local eateries and different cuisines. I have reformed his tastebuds, how my mom reformed mine.
Over the years, I have enhanced my culinary journey, thus cooking and baking majorly at home and we go out mostly for short bites or so. We spend our weekends on yoga & meditation, watching good movies at home, cooking together, meeting friends at home, and taking longer terrace walks than the mall or theater visits. We rather spend on good grocery shopping than expensive restaurant bills. I make an extensive range of sweets, cakes, breads, snacks, mocktails, and international cuisine at home. Nitin had a completely different life as a teenager unlike me, yet he is open to new learnings and contributes to household chores at home. There is a saying that – Every girl looks for the qualities of her dad in her husband, well I never did but I have someone with a golden heart as my soulmate. Rest of my life, am on a learning path of different sets of qualities from him.
Today I turned 44 and the last 4 years' journey since COVID struck has been no less than a roller coaster. I survived that period staying all alone at Bangalore, taking care of my health, and staying hopeful. Everything in my life, personal or professional was against the favor; yet I survived strong. I focused on helping people who needed the same. There is an old Bollywood song –“Tum besahara ho to, kisika sahara bano, tumko apnea ap hi sahara mil jayega(If you need support then become a support for someone and you'll find support for yourself automatically)”. I have been complimented about how I stay alone on my terms, without any regrets and my mind says – “I am alone, not lonely. If you cannot make yourself happy, nobody else can”.
This year I joined a gym and dedicatedly worked on my fitness. My grey hair does not bother me as I can do deadlifts, and leg press for significant weight. I can dance on Zumba for hours, swim, do aerobics, run on the stairs, and bicycle, and have no health issues.
An epilogue (End of 2023)
Currently, my dad is 85 years old with Asthma and Arthritis history, yet no one in the family can climb past Puri Jagannath temple stairs like him that too without any support. He takes no dairy, sweets, fried food, fruits or nuts, his gut is in excellent health with no dietary restrictions. He eats 2 major home-cooked meals a day.
He recently traveled alone by train from Puri to Bangalore and locally he would walk, ride a shared auto, and take the bus. He never believed in taking health insurance, but set an example of how to stay independent and healthy throughout. He quit smoking at the age of 70, after 50 long years, and developed the habit of meditation and breathing exercises.
As a pension holder since 2003, I would say my dad plans and saves better than many of the job holders in today’s time. He never had any inheritance from my grandfather who was a station master, yet it is amazing what my dad managed to do with patience and saving like an ant. I have always seen him being a Giver rather than a taker.
My parents have converted a few rooms in our ancestral Puri house into a super affordable homestay since last year, which has become quite popular among young tourists. Unlike many elderly of their generation, who are glued to TV, mobile, gossiping, and staying with their children, my parents set an example of independence and hard work. They are solely managing the homestay with a part-time maid only for cleaning, while mom cooks elaborate meals, prays for hours, and pursues her other hobbies as well. Recently she published her first book of Odia poetry collection. My dad still looks after all the maintenance of the house, paints the grills, refills water jugs in the first-floor rooms daily, does gardening, wash his clothes by hand, etc.
We didn’t have an extravagant house, restaurant visits, any vehicle, jewelry, fancy clothes, or loads of money while growing up, however, we were healthy, happy, and surrounded by well-wishers. It gave me immense pride to see my dad as a responsible man, son, husband, father, government servant, and son-in-law rather than someone who only accumulated corrupt wealth. Dad received numerous medals for his work towards his ethics, commitment, and hard work.
He always said – “Break but don’t bend(Just like the stem of the jute plant) in front of corruption and harassment. Health, emotional wellness, and contentedness take one higher in life and there is no shortcut to success”.
Thank you for reading my long post and helping me revive the best of my memories!
References,
My LinkedIn profile,
My parents’ Puri homestay,
Our family photo in 1980 in Puri, am in paternal grandfather’s lap
My parents in 2001
Rocky and me in Rourkela garden
Maternal grandmother in their ancestral home in Aska, Ganjam
Tortoise “Tudu”
Mom with pigeon “Munnu” at Puri
Sandhya Art School in 1992. Our teacher “Dev Sir” standing second from the right. Myself wearing a maroon tunic with a white shirt. Sudarsan Pattnaik kneeling down in a yellow t-shirt.
Receiving “Lalit Kala Academy” award at Bhubaneswar in 1994
At a state-level stage play in Cuttack city. Am sitting second to the right and the person next to me is Sudarsan Pattnaik.
Class 7th at“Utkal Hindi Vidyapitha”. Am sitting on the ground 2nd to the right
“Orissa Engineering College Electrical 2001 batch”. Am sitting first from the left.
A random day at our Engineering college classroom during break hours
Dad in his Railways uniform as “Security commissioner of South-East railways” posted at Calcutta in 2002
Meeting Sudarsan Pattnaik in 2019 in Bangalore
Nitin and me on our wedding day in 15thJuly2021
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